My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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