I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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