the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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