You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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