Do you still have your period?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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