I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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