That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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