we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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