i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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