so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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