Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
