dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
