i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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