Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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