I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
