another moral hangover. fuck.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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