I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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