You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
