So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
