I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
