well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
