honey bunches of taint.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
