you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
