its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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