Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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