I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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