can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's blow job season.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
