The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
