So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
