they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
