So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
