You can't special order awesome
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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