and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
