dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
