meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
