She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
