she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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