and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
