Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
