guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
