i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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