And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
