I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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