dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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