I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
