ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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