I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
