He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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