im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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