if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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