How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
