I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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