woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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