I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
