dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
