I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize