Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
