Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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