He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
