come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
