Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
