its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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