is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
