i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
